Dance with the Devil
by BeccaBear93
Summary: KuroFai songfic. Just their thoughts about each other, themselves, and Celes. The song is "Dance with the Devil" by Breaking Benjamin. Spoilers through chapter 166 Celes arc .


Author's Note: Well, I guess this is my first TRC fic... It's also my first shonen-ai fic and I think my first one in first person. I'm not usually a big fan of yaoi or shonen-ai, but I have become absolutely obsessed with and addicted to KuroFai lately, not to mention this series overall... Well, anyways, the song is "Dance with the Devil" by Breaking Benjamin (another new obsession of mine, lol).

Warnings/ Spoilers: Kuro/Fai, AKA shonen-ai. Don't like, don't read. Also, it's completely pointless and plotless. Instead, it's just their random thoughts. There are spoilers through Chapter 166 (the Celes arc). It goes AU from there.

Disclaimer: I'm only one person, not four. Besides, I could never have even a hundredth of CLAMP's talent. I own nothing.

One last note: This basically switches back and forth between Kuro-tan's and Fai's point of view, but it's mostly Kurogane's. It starts with Fai's, though.

--

_Here I stand,_

_Helpless and left for dead_

_Close your eyes,_

_So many days go by_

I was sure that I was finally going to die back there. They should have let me. _He_ should have let me. What did he do instead? Chopped off his own arm to get me out! Doesn't he realize yet that my life's worthless?!

I wonder how long it's been since I started to trust them. Syaoran, Sakura, Mokona, and Kuro...gane have become a part of my life. I let them get too close, and now they know all the secrets I've kept and the lies I've told... How many days has it been since I started traveling with them? Since I've let them into my heart? I've lost track.

--

_Easy to find what's wrong,_

_Harder to find what's right_

The mage still doesn't believe that his past doesn't matter to me. He never has, and I guess I don't blame him. That doesn't mean I can't be mad at him, though. There're so many things wrong with him. That fake smile (although I guess he doesn't show that much anymore), all the lies, his lack of trust, and the fact that he thinks his life is worthless. No life is worthless!

I guess there's another side to all that, though. There's something that feels... Right around him, too. Not that I would ever say that out loud. Especially since I don't even know what it is. There's something, though. After all, I don't give up my blood and my arm to just anyone.

_I believe in you_

_I can show you that_

_I can see right through_

_All your empty lies_

He may think he's weak, but it's obvious that he's not. It takes some sort of strength to go through everything he's been through. I may not be able to just tell him that I believe in him, but I've tried to show it. I wish he would just believe it and start valuing his life.

Part of me is glad that he's dropped his old facade. And yet, part of me (again, not that I would ever admit this aloud) misses the annoying nicknames and teasing smiles he used to give. The new him isn't the real him, either. I could see through the old lies, even if none of the others could. This... Shell of himself... I can't see what's going on behind his eyes most of the time anymore.

_I won't stay long_

_In this world so wrong_

I hated Celes, even before we went to the castle. Something about it just didn't feel right. That feeling just got worse when we met Ashura. From the moment I saw him, I couldn't wait to kill him. Him and his whole world were just... Wrong. I wish we could have just gotten the princess's feather and left instead of dealing with all that.

_Say goodbye,_

_As we dance with the devil tonight_

_Don't you dare look at him in the eye,_

_As we dance with the devil tonight_

We dance with death almost everyday. Based on my life and what I've seen of Fai's (or is it Yuui's? ... Not that it matters, I don't really call him by name anyways), neither of us is going to heaven, so we might as well be dancing with the devil each day. When we're not dancing with him, we're dancing with each other. It's a dangerous, complicated dance, and one wrong move could mean disaster.

Nobody else seems to notice our dance. But we each know what's going on, even if we don't say anything about it. Somehow, he always avoids me. He's always one step ahead. But everyone once in a while, I slip ahead and take the lead. Those are the moments I love. The moments when I used to shock him into dropping the fake smiles, and the extremely rare moments now when I shock him into feeling something other than depression about his old world- fear, happiness, anything.

--

_Trembling,_

_Crawling across my skin_

_Feeling your cold, dead eyes,_

_Stealing the life of mine_

I gave up a while ago. A long time ago, I gave up hoping for my life to get better. And now, I've given up pretending to be happy. All because of _him_. He saw through it every single time. I hate him for it. I hate him for saving my life and for ruining the image I could have kept up for Syaoran and Sakura, and even Mokona.

Whenever the mask dropped for even a moment, I felt his eyes on me. I knew he was watching me with his usual cold scowl. For a while, I would turn to him with my plastic smile and ask what was wrong, but eventually, I even gave up on that. That's where my mistake was. I let the mask stay down, even when I _knew_ he was watching. Now that I think about it, maybe that's when I let him get too close...

--

_I believe in you_

_I can show you that_

_I can see right through_

_All your empty lies_

_I won't last long_

_In this world so wrong_

Even now, he's lying. He wants me to think the him in Celes was the real him. He probably wants me to hate him. But I know it was just another mask. Like I said before, everything in that world was messed up, including him.

_Say goodbye,_

_As we dance with the devil tonight_

_Don't you dare look at him in the eye,_

_As we dance with the devil tonight_

So we'll keep dancing our dance, whether he likes it or not. We'll fight side by side and face death each day, and all the while, we'll keep dancing. He'll step around every tough question and carefully avoid me, and I'll keep following. I'll catch up again someday.

_Hold on._

_Hold on._

If I keep holding on, I'll make it someday. I know I will. And a new world means a new chance, so I guess I have plenty of chances.

--

_Say goodbye,_

_As we dance with the devil tonight_

_Don't you dare look at him in the eye,_

_As we dance with the devil tonight_

So I guess our dance isn't over yet. I hoped it would end now that he knows everything he's been trying to figure out, but I guess Kurogane's not ready to quit yet. He's catching up little by little, and I'm slowing down at the same time.

_Hold on._

_Hold on._

Hold on for just a bit longer, and maybe I'll be ready to dance _with_ you... Kuro-tan.

--

Author's Note: Okay, I'm sorry... I didn't realize how terribly sucky that was until after I finished it. It's even more pointless and repetitive than I thought it would be... Umm, I post up anything that I finish, so if you got this far, I'm really sorry you had to read that... Hopefully my next story will be better...

Well, please review! Constructive criticism welcomed! In fact, in this case, even flames are welcome!


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